The dentist-that rat bastard! He took m'crook! M'Crook! When I was 6 years old, I was riding my bike after a rainfall in Vermillion, South Dakota. My brother and I were on our way to the local pub for some candy or a wrestling video or some shit like that. We passed a church with a lower-level door reading
Head Start. I thought "Yeah, 'head start.' I'll get a 'head start' on my brother!" At that moment, the courageous and dashing Lucas whipped his Asteroids banana-seat bike to the left and took a commanding lead over his brother, left to eat his dust. But this power-play was not without it's folly. As the rains had enslippened the pavement, soon traction was lost, and our hero collided with the walkway with an audible CRUNCH. "Is he dead?" onlookers surely gasped. But dry your eyes, young readers, for Lucas is made from the stuff dreams are made of, so injuries are lost in pursuit. He
did, however, take a warning nic to the front left ivory. A simple chip. Aye, a scratch, a scratch. But nevertheless, a reminder of Lucas' foolish hybris.
Fast forward 25 years when some duck faced dentist takes a grinder to the thing and evens it all out. Why not remove Cindy Crawford's beauty mark while you're at it? Or Liam Gallagher's inflated sense of self-worth? You, Sir, have desecrated a national icon and will never be forgiven.
May you sweat uncontrollably in fancy company.
Keep Grinnin',
-LS^2
Guy Smiley.
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