In checking in with AOL News this morning, I was informed that I've most likely been using Reynold's Wrap all wrong. My general approach is to unroll between 15-20 yards of foil, cover it in latex-saturated towelettes, cook it for 40 minutes in an industrial rubber oven, spray it with a 50/50 mix of moisturizing cream and Stoli, crinkle it up, cover my body in it, let it settle to form a cast of my body, let sit for 3 hours, punch up the groin area, mail it to Vlassic and request that my likeness by their new spokesthing. Now tell me, AOL, is that what you had in mind?
This morning, I was riding my bike down Hollywood Blvd. when I saw John Ennis. He looks great. It was quite the thing, as just the day before, my mate Rollin told me that they were performing together in a piece at Second City on Sunday. So when I saw him, I shouted "Rollin Perry!" This caught his attention and I explained why I shouted someone else's name at him. He understood and sang Rollin's praises. I then mentioned that we had in fact met before through Stacey, my boss at Argentum. "Oh yeah, Stacey. I love that guy. And now I love you too." I thanked him for his kind words and he invited me to his show on Sunday. "I'll try and make it." As his light turned to Walk, he left me with this: "If you ever need anything, let me know. I'll do anything you want." For fuck's sake, his kindness wins. He wins. John Ennis wins. And when John Ennis wins, we all win. So congratulations. You won.
I'm ready to play some disc golf with The Funk Bros.
-LS^2
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