I'm in Taiwan, suckas. If you are too, congratulations, let's have a drink. If you're not (to which I will assume the majority of you will raise your hands), that's fine too.
So I got here Wednesday night and was picked up by my fabulous mate Ryan (formerly known as Zeus). I immediately learned that he's all but fluent in Mandarin, a fact that a) makes sense, b) eased my mind considerably. We came home where I met his beautiful girlfriend Stephanie and together we walked their tri-legged dog Richard through the streets of Taipei-me for my first time, they for their billionth. It's a trip, man, and I can't read any of it.
Since then, it's been a steady schedule of walks, breakfast foods, job hunts and apartment searches. Just yesterday, I checked out a rad place. Balcony, running water, the works. But get this, Herkies: The girl showing it to me went to Iowa! This may not be terribly noteworthy on it's own, but ladies and gentlemen, I went to Iowa. She was even at the Jones County Fair when Foreigner played in '06. Who knows, maybe we waited in line for a funnel cake together. Statistically, it's almost assured.
Back-and-forward-tracking a little bit, my calves have decided that they will exist henceforth on the brink of failure. 6 weeks ago, the right one decided that it couldn't handle the load I was putting upon it and swiftly turned to an endless loop of minor pain, broken up by bouts of less-minor pain and occasionally unhinging with a power-marathon of far-less-minor pain. But I've learned to baby it, as a mother would her...baby. Fast forward to two days ago (wrap your mind around that shit) when I lobbied for (and was granted) a trip to the basketball courts, where I held a not-insignificant height advantage over a fair number of fellow park-goers. So we're jockin' left and right, my game's a little off, and as I take a juke to the paint, my left calf decided to kill itself right there in front of all the happy Taiwanese lovers and lovelies. I mean it put a bullet directly against it's brain stem and fired, splattering analogous brain matter all over the top of the key. Our hero, y'all, was down for the count. Really fucked my world up. Made my excruciating way to a job interview, winced in pain the whole way through and hobbled back, a broken man. In a country where I ostensibly cannot walk or talk. I got a massage and some acupuncture, neither of which helped. In case you're phoning your local consulate, demanding to know how to airlift me off of this island, let me assure you that now-two days and 100 bananas later-I am feeling far better. Do keep the consulate on the line though, and ask how I can get a deal on a smartphone.
I just found my Dad on Skype this morning, and only now does he know that I'm in Taiwan. I guess news travels slow when you don't care.
Last night was the last Jeomchon Open Mic night in Jeomchon, South Korea. I helped start it, and it's a shame I wasn't there to see it off. Jonno and Marize killed it, though, and I'm happy they did. Love you fuckers.
Food here's oily. Streets are like battlegrounds for roving gangs of elderly scooteristos. Mosquitoes will kill us all. Women are down-to-Earth gorgeous and men have thus far been utterly kind to me. All in all, these last 4 days have proved promising. Just gotta get my logistics in order and I can commence Phases 2-4 (of 60+) of my eventual takeover of the Asian continent (Phase 1 was to conquer Korea, which was surprisingly easy).
Stay tuned, Babies, 'cause my assumption is that I'll just keep talking...
Not Repulsive Enough
To the Blood Suckers,
-LS^2
A Dismal Smattering of Pictures...
Jimmy was crushed to see me go.
Hovering over the Japans. I slept through
roughly 100% of this flight.
roughly 100% of this flight.
Yeah, you're gonna tell me what to do.
Ryan doing something (as he tends to do).
The microscope Ryan's brother made
and sent to him. In the background,
The mural that I now see is clearly
more fun to behold in person.
more fun to behold in person.
E'erbody in the club ridin' scooters.
Love you toooo~~~
ReplyDelete